hello, I love you
The title seems to be mocking you, doesn’t it? Since I haven’t written here since January, and I if I truly did love you there would have been many wonderful posts since then?
Sorry.
The truth is, I always end up back in the same place. Trapped, but by nobody but myself, and feeling like I’m not accomplishing anything. My registration day was Tuesday. I need to figure out my second (probably more important) major and register for fall. I need to cut my hair and apply for Germany. I need to get a campus job so I don’t have to commute so far to work, and I need to play music.
Going to a band concert will never end up being a bad decision. Music is a crucial part of the soul, at least for someone who has played in the past. To not be exercising that mediocre talent is more than a lack of fulfillment. It is as if a big gaping hole is allowing darkness into your heart, and you don’t even realize it until you hear the music again. You miss it. You want more than anything to be on that stage or in that classroom playing, attempting to make the notes on the page sound beautiful.
You never know what you want. You’re indecisive to a fault, and when you finally think you’ve got everything figured out, some part of the world points out that you really haven’t got a clue.
Does everyone deal with this, or am I just an exception?
I just want peace.
Your not alone. I’m sitting five feet away from a piano and listening to one on Youtube. But then again, I was never any good at it.